


the birth of demons

by ShaboomLifeMustBeADream



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, Birthday, Fanwork Exchange, M/M, Other, and a book, there is a plant, yay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-01 19:15:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20263147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShaboomLifeMustBeADream/pseuds/ShaboomLifeMustBeADream
Summary: God's recollection of a special day in our angel's and demon's lives: their birthdays! Introduction by Gabriel. Written for a fanwork exchange with the prompts: Aziraphale's first plant, and Crowley's favourite book.





	the birth of demons

THE BIRTH OF DEMONS

By God

In collaboration with:

The Celestial Press

An introduction by: Archangel Gabriel

Design by: Archangel Gabriel

**AN INTRODUCTION, BY ARCHANGEL GABRIEL**

Once celebrating ‘birth days’ came into fashion (somewhere in the Roman period, the ‘angel’ Aziraphale once told me), them and that demon Crowley had decided to partake in this odd festivity every year. Of course, you may be wondering when (AND WHY) on earth the birthdays of an angel and a demon could be; and frankly the two had not yet, as if ever, decided on a date. (And why would they… it’s human. They are not human. Case closed.) Anyway - like so their own tradition ensued. On a random morning in each year, one would show up on the doorstep of the other with a cake and a gift. In my humble opinion this may have been an excuse to see each other at least twice a year. And yet one time on the summery day of the 24th of July, 1990, they had missed each other by minutes when, exactly that day, they had both planned to visit the other for their random celebration day. It was a tragedy waiting to happen. I could have told them that this would happen one day. But I didn’t. What about it?

**CHAPTER ONE – THE CAKES**

One may wonder what cakes are good for. Humans say that their taste is quite nice, but since I have never eaten one in my whole existence, I cannot be sure about this. My closest source is my dear Aziraphale, who loves cakes more than any angel I know. It’s the diversity, I heard them say once – there are cakes of all sorts and sizes. But to be specific, I believe they love Mr. Crowley’s cakes more than anything. Every ‘random birthday’ they have, their face lights up – firstly at seeing Crowley, secondly at seeing the cake. And on the morning of July 24, 1990, Crowley had decided to bake their best friend a big fruit cake, made with fruits from their favourite trees around the world. It was going to be the best cake ever. It even had a flaming sword on top! (A small piece of apple, miraculously set on fire).

On the other side of London, Aziraphale had spent days crafting the perfect demonic cake for their best friend. It was hellhound-shaped, glazed black, and the inside was M&M’s. It would surely put a smile on Crowley’s face.

That morning, the two of them got up in their houses. Aziraphale put on Bach, and Crowley some Velvet Underground. Both looked cautiously at the items they were to bring to the other’s house, that were neatly set on a desk in the middle of their main spaces (the angel’s bookstore and the demon’s office): one cake, described above, and one gift, described below.

**CHAPTER TWO – THE MISFORTUNE OF SUMMER DAYS**

This story has a happy ending, I promise. And yet for any happy ending to exist (at least in fiction), there has to be some angst involved before we get to the happy part. That is the second unwritten law[1] I put in the minds of writers once mankind started to invent stories, and I still stand by it. Chapter two is usually a bit early to start the angst, but this is a true story, so we can’t change imperfections.

[1] The first law of writers: to pass the Bechdel test. Unfortunately, not every writer complied with this, resulting in immediate shipment to hell upon death.

Crowley had set foot outside at exactly 9:43 AM. It would take them 34 minutes to reach the bookstore. At approximately 9:30, Aziraphale had done the same. It would take them 46 minutes to reach Crowley, having to pay the taxi driver. At 10:17 and 10:16 respectively, they rang each other’s doorbell. Nothing happened.

Nothing! Both rang again. And again. There was confusion happening. Had they miscalculated the day that the other would be home? No. Was it too early? Also no, they didn’t sleep. Maybe they were just out for a while! But even after a whole two hours waiting, the other had not yet arrived.[2] Aziraphale sighed deeply. Maybe they should just go home now. Crowley wasn’t there anyways. They would eat the cake alone. They packed up their stuff, and hailed a cab to go back.

[2] Meanwhile, I was looking upon them in great amusement. What a fools.

Crowley didn’t think to go home - they were busy talking to themselves. ‘Stupid demon, always getting things the wrong way! Starting with angels, I’m bad with choosing angels to hang out with… not to mention the falling, …’

And this is how Aziraphale found them on their doorstep, at lunchtime now. Upon seeing them, ‘Oh dear!’ they walked in a fast manner to the mumbling Crowley (unlike some other angels, Aziraphale didn’t like to run) and crouched down. ‘Crowley, it’s me, Aziraphale! What on earth are you doing here?’ Crowley looked up, dramatically raising his eyebrows. ‘Oh, it’s you, my friend! I missed you, you know, you weren’t here! Where on earth did you go?’

‘It’s your birthday, my dear Crowley!’ Replied Aziraphale. ‘To think I would have eaten your cake all alone now, my apologies, I may have nibbled on it a little on my miserable way back. Oh dear, you dropped some coins here…’

Crowley threw their head back in laughter. ‘My birthday! Angel, it’s your birthday today! Look, I have this bag… Oh yes, the coins, some people mistook me for a beggar, how kind…’ They snapped their fingers. ‘Look, now the beggar across the street got this money. But angel, it seems that we have found each other in the end. This day is not hell after all!’

‘It certainly is not, Crowley,’ Aziraphale pointed out. ‘Let us go inside and make this an extra special day now! After all, we have double the surprises to share.’

They went inside the bookstore, all cheerful now. Funny how moods can change so quickly, especially in humans, but after all, this angel and demon had been on earth for so long.

**CHAPTER THREE – THE GIFTS**

This is probably the part that the reader has been looking forward to the most; after all, the bearing of gifts is most often a happy and celebrated event. As it was the first time in all time that they both had gifts to give, it took a bit of banter to decide who was going first – but after a roll of a die (what a display of luck. As if it wasn’t predestined), it had been decided that Crowley would start.

The setting was as you might know well: an ancient bookstore, a bit dusty, very bookish. In fact, there were only books and tables around – nothing else. This is where Crowley came in. ‘Look, angel, this year I wanted to give you something extra special,’ they said, while taking their big rectangular reusable bag (carefully holding it straight). ‘I mean, it’s nothing much but I hope you will like it as much as I do, and uh, yeah,’ (at this point they were slightly blushing), ‘here you go!’ Crowley set the bag in front of Aziraphale, who was still sipping coffee. They set their mug down slowly. ‘Oh, thank you Crowley, I’m sure I will love it!’ And with a delightful expression, not looking at the bag, they started to untie the wraps around it, while Crowley watched on. ‘It’s not a live animal, is it?’ Aziraphale asked. At the ‘No angel, would I ever?’, they stuck their hand inside and felt something soft, thin, natural…. Aziraphale’s eyes widened and he quickly looked down. ‘Oh my goodness!’ They gasped and looked at the other. ‘Crowley, you shouldn’t have!’ Crowley shrugged. ‘Yes, I should have. A long time ago actually. I kept getting other things for you and putting this off, but this year of all years… oh well. Do you like it?’

Aziraphale’s glittering eyes moved back to the gift. ‘I’ve never cared for one… you should teach me how to, but first – does it actually grow bananas? And I heard banana plants can grow really big, that will be a beautiful mess here… Oh Crowley, I love it very much!’ They took the banana plant out of the bag and put it down. ‘So do I uh, put some water on it? I can’t wait for this small one to grow as beautifully as yours!’ At that, Crowley laughed. ‘Oh, you would need a bit more than water for that my friend. I’m glad you like it, and I’m sure this plant will feel very loved here, or whatever you call it.’ Aziraphale smiled. ‘Yes, loved. That would be splendid. Now I can’t bear to wait anymore to give you yours!’ They miracled the small package, which was lying on a desk, into their hands. Crowley frowned. ‘A book? Do I look like I read books?’

‘Yes.’ Aziraphale replied. ‘You see, this is something that I’ve wanted to give you since it came out not too long ago. I know that I am the book angel and you are the Queen demon, but I’m fairly sure you will it an absolute delight to read!’ They pushed the book into Crowley’s hands, who started to tear the paper off (still frowning, but only on the outside).

‘Hmmm… Good… Omens. Interesting title. I like the design. There are also words inside… yes, it’s definitely a book!’ Crowley turned the book around a couple of times, shook it to get a feeling of the weight, felt the paper, smelled it (of course it was brand new, Aziraphale had only stood for the most perfect rendition). Then they started to read. ‘Current theories on the Creation of the Universe state that, if it were created at all and didn’t just start, as it were, unofficially, it came into being between ten and twenty billion years ago. Are you sure this is not a study book? It feels like a study book.’ They looked up at the angel, who replied: ‘Just read on, and you will see!’

‘Alright, I have time…’ Crowley kept reading about the history of the Universe. This was quite entertaining for me, as it was, of course, me, who put this world into place.

‘It was a nice day. All the days had been nice. … The angel of the Eastern Gate put his wings… Wait a minute! That’s you, isn’t it? Who wrote this book again?’ Crowley checked the cover. ‘Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett… Oh yes, I’ve once tempted Mr. Gaiman into a career of writing. Was a while ago. Usually writers are doomed, so I thought my boss would like that. Turns out he did quite well for himself after all…’

Aziraphale nodded enthusiastically. ‘Yes, I think he might have talked to, you know, upstairs. It’s scary accurate, this book. It describes many important events in our history on earth!’

That made Crowley more interested. They started reading aloud, page one, page two… and Aziraphale watered their banana plant with great care and precision, happily listening to Crowley’s voice.

**CHAPTER FOUR – THE FORTUNE OF SUMMER DAYS**

_Three years later_

‘Crowley, you have got to see how many banana plant babies I’ve got! They’re growing mad fast!’ Aziraphale told Crowley over the phone. The answer came quickly: ‘Yeah, that’s what they do, and soon your whole bookstore will be swamped, that’s why this is what I chose for you! By the way, did you read the new Neil Gaiman book? It’s not bad for a human, I will read it to you once you visit again.’

Both hung up the phone with a big smile on their faces. The gifts had managed to last a lifetime, even at first, they thought it wouldn’t last at all.

**A WORD OF THANKS**

Whether or not I have talked to this human writer, or put some ideas into his small brain, will forever be a mystery for anyone who is not me. This manuscript is actually not really meant to be read by anyone else either. I don’t even know why I asked Gabriel to write an introduction. I guess they needed something ‘important’ to do. Oh well, at least they’re happy now. After all, that is my job: to keep everyone content. And I’m very sure that our lovely Aziraphale and Crowley are sitting somewhere in the bookshop right now, talking and perhaps drinking, and mainly just having a really good time.

**Author's Note:**

> You made it all the way! Thank you!


End file.
